Earlier this week I was having a conversation with a friend, we'll call her 'Loretta', who had been lied to by someone close to her. This wasn't the first time and it was a false statement made with the deliberate intent, meant to deceive. We talked about many aspects of this, but one of my responses was that, we all lie sometimes, right?
It's been several days since that conversation and I just can't get this off my mind. Not the topic Loretta brought to the table, but the question, 'Do we all lie?' When you think about a lie being a false statement made with the deliberate intent, meant to deceive, I get a little nauseous. Think about the following questions: How are you? Fine. What are you doing? Nothing. How are you feeling? Yes. What Can I do? Nothing.
These are just a few questions I hear or am asked on a regular basis and obviously these can be trivial, but 'Fine' or 'Nothing' are also masks I hide behind...and technically, often they are lies (false statement made with the deliberate intent, meant to deceive). Does this mean I need to bear my soul to every person who asks how I'm doing? I don't think so, we've all met that person. =) But I do think, for me, it means I need to try to be a little more open and honest, even if it means I'm giving people answers to questions they didn't intend to ask.
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I guess for me I do use those replies almost automatically. But I'm not meaning to decieve the person. For me I decide if I have the relationship and trust with the person I'm talking with to be real and actually tell them how I really am doing. I don't think that it is "lying" as the dictionary defines it when we answer and don't bear our souls to everyone who asks us this question. I do however find it bothersome when people ask this question hoping to get the one word answer almost as an attempt to gloss over a situation in which they may know that you are not "fine" but they don't want to stick around and listen to the more extended answer.
What a great reminder. I've always been far too good a liar, both at the little "fine" things and at more than that, unfortunately. It's kind of a constant battle for me, in a way. Trying not to embelish, or tell a story solely to make a connection with someone. Usually my intentions are good, but my methods lack. The true authenticity thing is so risky, though, isn't it??
Mrs D - Like you, I get in a mode where my response is automatic and I don't really think of it as lying, but often, even with people I can / should trust, I use it as a way to gloss over things. I also find it annoying when you know people ask the questions but really want to know the answer.
RK - You said it well. Authenticity is the key, even if it's risky. Finding a balance for truth vs. all the intimate details is my struggle.
Thanks girls!
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